Learn to work the toilet seat. Youíre a big girl now so if itís up put it down. You donít hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

        Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

        Crying is the lowest form of blackmail!

        Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. JUST SAY IT!

        ďYesĒ and ďNoĒ are perfectly acceptable answers for almost every question.

        Come to us with a problem only if you want help in solving it. Thatís what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

        A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor.

        Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days,

        If you donít dress like Victoriaís Secret girls, donít expect us to act like soap opera guys.

        If you think you are fat, you probably are; so donít ask!

        If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of those ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

        You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. NOT BOTH. If you already know how best to do it, just do it yourself.

        Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to during commercials.

        Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

        All real men see in only 16 colors, like Windowís default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

        If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

        If we ask, "Whatís wrong?" and you say, "Nothing!" we will act like nothingís wrong. We know that you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

        If you ask a question you donít want an answer to, expect an answer you wonít want to hear.

        When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fineÖ.Really!

        Donít ask us what weíre thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, hunting and fishing, football, shotguns, bass boats and thongs.

        You have enough clothes.

        You have too many shoes.

        I am in shape. Round is a shape.

        Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really donít mind thatÖ..itís like camping out.


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