Anniversary Gift

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

     PAGE THIRTY-THREE

Not too worry!

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
 
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'?  Where's that extra penny going to?
 
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
 
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
 
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

REMEMBER: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

The dude rescued his babe and his brew. Where's the dog?

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind,

Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 

Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia .. Have poor circulation;  Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my Ohio driver's license.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

Ask Here

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.

'Two years older than me'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing About being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.

'These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

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