PAGE TWELVE

 
 

"I LIKE IT!...I LIKE IT!"
 
George of the Jungles George of the Jungles
George of the Jungles George of the Jungles

Some good ole boys from Spencer went deer hunting down Reedy way and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Depue?" the others asked.

"Depue had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.

"You left Depue laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.

"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Depue!"

 

The young man from Ripley  came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Steve, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?

"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

Wedding Invitation

NEWS FLASH! - France's worst air disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Paris students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. French Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and co-pilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

An WV State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-77. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?
 
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
 

Next Page

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D. C.

Dear Sir,

I have been evacuated from New Orleans because the flood took my old trailer and beat up car. I thought I might go into business to supplement my welfare check.

My friend over at Wells, Iowa received a check for $1,000 from the Government for not raising hogs. Right now I'm getting extra help from the government and Red Cross while I'm displaced but when that stops I want to go into the "not-raising-hogs" business.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs. If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,
Ima Taker

PS. Please notify me when you are giving out more free cheese.

HOME ~ PAGES: 01 ~ 02 ~ 03 ~ 04 ~ 05 ~ 06 ~ 07 ~ 08 ~ 09 ~ 10 ~ 11 ~ 12 ~ 13 ~ 14 ~ 15 ~ 16 ~ 17 ~ 18 ~ 19 ~ 20 ~ 21 ~ 22 ~ 23 ~ 24 ~ 25 ~ 26 ~ 27 ~ 28 ~ 29 ~ 30 ~ 31 ~ 32 ~