The First Christmas

How To Survive A Heart Attack

Five Lessons

          PAGE THREE

Home Land Security

New Bush 1/2 Penny

Beautiful People

eBay Scam

Adam's Rib

Can you cry under water?

 Health Issues Men Should Not Ignore

 


Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the tar out of him...

Just like his MOMMA used to do.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit drinking. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up. I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she needed the make-up to look  pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for. I don't think she's coming back.

 

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Next Page  

My retired next door neighbor drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-64, pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly speedster as he floored it to 100mph, then110, then 120mph.  Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!"  He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

 The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a West Virginia State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.

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